


Run

by mintc



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Other, POV Second Person, References to Depression, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 10:26:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16195670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintc/pseuds/mintc
Summary: Even after you had run away and returned, the feelings of inferiority still remains.





	Run

**Author's Note:**

> This contains references to depression and running away from problems. Please skip it if reading such stories makes you feel bad about yourself.

You ran away before but you went back. Your solemn vow to not be a coward.

But in each practice, the ball drops before your overstretched hands, even as you strove your hardest to reach it, your damn hardest, that feeling of failure chokes you up. It gnaws in your mind and speeds up when your teammates yell, “don't mind, don't mind.” How much of the game they had just lost do they don't mind at all? 

You fail to understand it meant to try you hardest once more without your mistake weighing down your conscious. 

Thud. Thud. Thud.

By the end of each practice, the feeling to run away wells up inside you. It feels heavy, it feels murky and it eats up your insides like acid. You hate it. It has no smell, no warning, just a sudden burst from the unseen dam you didn't know still existed over and over again. 

So you file away the feeling after every practice. Practice harder, practice smarter, you repeat the mantra as you went for the next training session. So you did. You practice hard. You practice harder a little more. Or so you did in your mind. You wonder what went wrong with the last receive when it ricocheted off your arms. How much more do he need to do to become as dependable as the current captain?

Maybe it's time to run.

You didn't mind being in the B team. Most of your closest teammates are in there. It’s comfortable, the pressure is lesser and you get to practice and improve your team’s coordination under the setting of your senpai before he graduates. You gather all the best wishes in your heart and wished he was playing in the A team permanently. At the least he fulfills his goals. But it is hard to win against talent.

Just one more step.

But you still fall short. The ball bounces infront of you as your hands flies out to break your fall.

“Don't mind don't mind, don’t mind don’t mind,” your mind chants repeatedly. Desperately you cling on to the echo of their comfort in their voice and their reminder to you to look forward. But how you wish it could be something different. “Nice save, good pass, nice kill.”

Your teammates have your back. They are looking out for you. You hear admiration when you execute a good receive. And sometimes, you can't differentiate if that is a compliment of your fluke. You downplay whatever positive that was created by you. Every ball has to connect and you counted - most balls ended out of your arms.

You thank your lucky stars it's a team play. You try not to shy away, but shy away you do.

They say you can rein in your rowdy teammates. You have the wonderful innate perspective to understand your teammates’ fathom intention. But it's not what you wanted. It's just a wonderful by-product of your failure. The failure of your endless free time being on the sidelines. So many fabulous personalities and the endless drama unfolding before your eyes. It enchants you and it binds you to continue watching. You wonder if this is the main reason you bring yourself for trainings.

One more pass, one more serve, one more save. You feel better gradually. You know you do. Your friends have your back. 

Yet when you see the spinning ball fly before your outstretched hands and the loud smack of the leather against the wooden floor boards, oh how you wish, how you wish that the next time when you run away, they can just forget about you. And how you can just forget yourself.


End file.
